i went away for awhile. a part of me wanted to ask you to pardon my absence, and another part of me wanted it to be okay for us all to be absent sometimes. how often i’m waiting to be pardoned. i beg your pardon? pardon: to give wholeheartedly.
i’ve been wondering what, and who, i actually want to depend on. i wonder what the difference is between dependence and trust. somethings (ideas, identities, stories, etc) i’ve been depending on that i don’t want to depend on anymore and others that i do, like people, like enthusiasm.
there are so many ways to say it, enthusiasm. how could i tell you.
on my way away, the plane landed in Las Vegas, and people clapped. i hadn’t heard that in so long. maybe because i’m often landing in New York where We Are Unimpressed. we had put our safety in a stranger’s hands and they had flown us across the continent in one piece. why are some of us better than clapping?
enthusiasm: those people expressing their gratitude or gladness (or god bless we made it to vegas) enthusiasm: those people endearing themselves to me
on my trip i got to swim in a pond in the middle of the desert and dove straight into a rock, bloodying my lip, shoulder, and chin. i felt about seven years old with the bandaid on my face. enthusiasm: eagerness for the colder water beneath and worth the scrape.
these two guys on the plane were roasting their friend who was almost late because he wanted to bring a huge boom box on the plane and the stewardess wouldn’t let him. i don’t know what happened to the boom box but Pat made it on. enthusiasm: pat’s boom box. enthusiasm: pat’s friends roasting him with that special kind of fondness and reverence for people who are extra and cracking me up. enthusiasm: “I only wanted one time to see you laughing”1
enthusiasm:
“When I told my husband,
If you listen close enough everything’s dancing, try
to guess the songs, he laughed. But I’m telling you,
beauty always comes, you hear me?
It always comes.”2
you hear me?